I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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