I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
