im drinking this country out of the recession.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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