I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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