Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
