What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize