ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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