I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
