Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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