I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
