is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
