Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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