guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
