had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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