It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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