Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
