In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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