i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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