I just saw a hot homeless man
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
