During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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