I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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