I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
