Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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