can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
