you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
