people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He better not be in your backpack
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
