Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
