I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's get the cat blown out
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
