Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Non-Jews are for practice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
