So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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