On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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