Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
