Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
