Umm I'm too high to move.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
