This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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