It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
