Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
