Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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