If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
