so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
