Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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