So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
