You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
