Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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