sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
