New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
