1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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