careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize