that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
