so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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