I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
