So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
