I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
