well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
