Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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