For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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