I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
