As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
