need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
