His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We're too hungover to prance.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
