I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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