Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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