so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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