perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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