you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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