I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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