when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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