Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
