So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize