Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
