Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
