I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
