I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize