Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
