I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
