What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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