that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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