This girl is more easily done than said...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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